A new year has come and I am determined to write more. I have promised myself on my writing Facebook page I will write for 30 minutes, minimum, non-consecutive if necessary, every other day. I really hope I can keep this promise to myself, even if it is just writing here. I slacked all year last year due to being pregnant and then having my daughter. It was reasonable, but it was an excuse. I watch too much TV and have too much going on when it comes to social media. I have hidden Facebook from myself on my phone, sort of, so I do not have to worry about being distracted in that way. I want to use my actual camera more to capture my son and daughter growing up since then I am not on my phone nearly as much. I feel like technology has over taken my life and I do not like that feeling. I miss the days of my high school and before then when there wasn’t this whole thing with social media over whelming everything. I understand that this is the world I live in and I should keep up with it just for the sake of understanding it when the kids get to age, but I do not like the idea of being controlled by it.
I see how my son looks at me when I am on my phone and I am heartbroken to think he feels like he is not good enough to garner my attention more than a phone. I will correct this mistake. I will also help him in getting disconnected from his tablet, our phones, and the television. I have been a bad parent when it comes to this sort of thing, mainly because it is so easy to allow him to just get lost in them. I know how it is since I get lost in them all the time, but it isn’t okay for me to use this excuse for him and it does both the children and an injustice. Technology and electronics are not babysitters nor are they the best learning devices. I know this, but with the lack of sleep I have allowed it to escape me. Within the coming year I am going to strive to do better by my kids when it comes to their learning along with their attention to electronics.
I also wish to make my marriage a more serious thing. We have a good thing, but I feel like things have become stagnant along with a sort of complacency between us. I am not all that surprised since we have been married 7+ years and known each other for 13+ years. When it comes to the day in and day out activity things begin to become routine and especially when the kids start to wear us out things begin to go unsaid. Tonight I noticed he seemed upset and when I asked he said he was just resigned. I know he meant about always cleaning dishes, which unfortunately is just something which has to get done. I will have to see if he has any ideas on how to make it less frustrating, but at the moment I have no ideas on that front. We separated jobs long ago so we could each try and get things done. Perhaps I should take on more of what he does since I am at home all day, but that is hard when I am also trying to keep ahead of the kids as well. Yet, with all of that I know I need to address the situation head on or things will just stay the way they are or become much worse. I do not wish for either of these things to happen. I want to have a spice in our relationship which most people can only dream of having. I also want to show both kids that while being single is fun being in a happy relationship is amazing. Not to say that they have to be in a relationship, but that marriages can be happy and not the ball and chain which people try to make them out to be.
Well, with all of this it means 2016 should be an interesting and loving year, even if it is hard. But, it will be worth it in the end and I hope to end next year with a more positive feel in my life and with happy smiles all around. Happy New Year.
Chelsea Haller 